Well, Losar came and went and my dear Texas sister came and went, and I have not written in this blog for over a month!  My sister's visit was lots of fun, we ate khapsey and momo and sha palay.  We went to the Indianapolis Museum of Art and my Buddhist center, and she met many of my friends. You can see my khapsey in the photo of my Losar altar, I think they turned out very well for a first try.  I shared them with friends and family, and my sister took some back to Texas with her for her children to try.  Only one of four liked them!  I told you they only like American foods.  In which case, one of four is really good.

I have been doing a lot of study, Tibetan language and Buddhism, so I have not been wasting the time that I haven't been writing in this blog. Hopefully my studies will generate plenty to write about.  It's funny to me that I started writing this blog that is supposed to be partly about homekeeping just before homekeeping became really low on my list of priorities.  But perhaps it makes sense, and my subjects of Buddhist life and homekeeping will focus on how to get one's home to run as efficiently as possible, with as little effort as possible, leaving plenty of time for study and practice.

Lhakar Pledges and Losar Preparations

I have been thinking about this blog entry for a long time, but have been very busy with Losar (Tibetan New Year) preparations and study. This morning I am waiting for this headache to dissipate so I thought this would be a good opportunity to write about my Losar preparations.

Why observe Losar at all? I am an American of European descent, not Tibetan, and my family is not Tibetan either. The answer comes down to how I choose to live my life. For a practicing Buddhist in the Tibetan/Himalayan tradition, many of my religious observances are based on the Tibetan lunar calendar, so it has great significance to me. In many ways, Losar is more meaningful to me than Western holidays. It is one of the guideposts I organize my life around, and a time to reflect on goals for my personal and spiritual life. I think I also observe it out of gratitude for the blessings and happiness Buddhism has brought to my life, and for the Dharma family who accompanies me.

There are a few conundrums involving Losar. The first is, of course, the tragedies occurring on a daily basis in Chinese-occupied Tibet, which is a police state where human rights are regularly trampled and freedom, particularly religious freedom and freedom of speech, is non-existent. Most people have heard of the self immolations by monks, nuns, and laypeople, which are sadly the only means of protest available to them, and one of the few ways to bring the attention of the West to the tragic plight of the Tibetan people. In light of this, the Kalon Tripa, leader of the Kashag or Cabinet, part of the executive branch of the CTA, the Tibetan government in exile, has asked Tibetans not to celebrate Losar. You can read about his Losar statement here. So on Losar proper, the very first day of the year, I will be observing precepts, which, among other things means no meat, onions, garlic or eggs, and no meals after lunch. Also, no singing, dancing, secular entertainment or adorning oneself. As much as possible, I will devote myself to religious practice that day. Also, there is no celebrating Losar, only observing.

Which brings me to the other conundrum, which is that the first two weeks of the new year are very auspicious for religious practice, which itself runs counter to celebrating. This one I resolve through my sisters visit. The first day, as I said, I will observe precepts and “fast”, but the following day when she arrives I hope to relax and enjoy her visit. Once she leaves on Sunday, I will be back to trying to keep precepts as much as possible.

My friend TMC of The Buddhist Home started sharing her Losar preparations a few weeks ago. I'd already been thinking about lhakar pledges, the pledges Tibetans make to try to preserve their culture and society in exile. You can read about lhakar pledges at lhakar.org . Some pledge to speak only Tibetan on Wednesdays, His Holiness the Dalai Lama's soul day, or wear Tibetan dress on that day. Others pledge to boycott Chinese goods. In addition to avoiding Chinese made products as much as I possibly can, I decided to finally sew a chupa (Tibetan dress) for myself as a first step. The ready-made brocade chupas for sale at Tibetan bazaars never fit my zaftig self, so it was up to me to sew one or order a custom made one from India. Being perpetually broke, and generally liking to sew, I chose the former. I borrowed a ready-made one from our center, and did my best to copy it. I used a plain navy suiting fabric with a subtle herringbone pattern for the first chupa. I have some nicer fabric, not brocade, but silky navy fabric with a sakura, or cherry-blossom pattern printed on it. I wanted to make the first one out of something I wouldn't be distraught over if I made mistakes, and I made quite a few! I am not an expert at drafting patterns, but I enjoy it. Making this chupa has been the first creative thing I've done all year, and also how I have inaugurated my new sewing machine. It has taken me a week, but it is finally done. I'm working on the blouse now, hopefully I'll have it done today. I think the next chupa will go faster, now that I have a bit of experience. I'll take a bit of a break, though, because I'm afraid I will get burnt out on sewing.

I purchased clementines, a pineapple, and a few pounds of butter for the Losar altar. I also started a few pots of wheat grass, which are traditional and represent newness and freshness. I plan to take one to our Buddhist center. They are growing very nicely. Hopefully I will get a picture of our simple altar and post it here on my blog.

My (Texas) sister is coming on the 23^rd, this Thursday, just in time for Losar, which officially begins tomorrow. So in addition to the traditional Losar house cleaning, I am also cleaning for her and preparing her room. She will get to try yummy Tibetan foods like desi, kapse, momo and sha palay. Her family in Texas only enjoys traditional American-type foods, so it will be a new experience for her. I also want her to meet my teacher at the Buddhist center. Hopefully we can make a tradition of this visit and she can come every year for Losar.

New clothes are also traditional for Losar, so my husband got some new shirts, and I have the chupa. Our Buddhist center has a clothing drive for children in need every year for Losar, so I brought some items of new clothing to donate. I bought things for older, bigger kids, because I think they are often forgotten because “children” conjures up pictures of the very young ones.

Today I make kapse, Tibetan/Himalayan fried pastries, not as sweet as Western pastries, but I have a special fondness for them. They are wonderful for dipping in tea or coffee, and for sharing with friends. Hopefully I will also study, finish sewing and cleaning and be ready to enjoy my sister's visit when she arrives Thursday afternoon. I am so excited!

Well, the headache is gone and I'm beginning to feel guilty about not working or studying, which is my cue to get a move on. Have a wonderful day. May all beings be happy.

Using Illness as Spiritual Practice

I should say, I am the worst person to write on this topic. I've been sick with bronchitis and my practice has consisted of muttering some mani prayers and a lot of begging nameless, faceless beings (Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, Dakinis, anyone, anyone?) to please heal me. I try to remember others who are suffering and use my own suffering to eliminate theirs, tonglen-style, but so haphazardly that I don't think it qualifies as practice. It is hard to practice when one is ill, and yet, I never feel one hundred percent great, and I am wary of putting practice off to the day when I feel perfectly well because I know that day will never come.

On the other hand, sometimes I think I work harder at mindfulness when I am in terrible pain. I use it as a tool to get me through each moment. It's easy to forget about suffering and death and impermanence when things are going pretty well, and one is distracted by daily life, all the plans and schemes and goals. But illness, pain, demands your attention, demands that you be here now, will not allow you to ignore what's happening right now. I suppose it is a gift in that way, even though it feels more like a nightmare. And always, there is an awareness at the edges of my mind that there are others suffering much worse than I am, with illnesses that have no end in sight, under far less pleasant circumstances than a warm bed surrounded by beloved pets. So there is the spark, the glimmer of compassion, when the sickness-induced narcissism eases up briefly, too briefly.

What I hope will grow out of this experience is: compassion for all suffering beings, commitment to practice, and diligent guarding of my health and precious human life so that I can serve all beings.

Off Balance

It's been unseasonably warm here lately. Beautiful sunny days stir something in me, make me itch to get outside and work in the dirt. But it is way too early to work in the garden. I've planted leeks and parsley indoors under lights, and still have parsley, kale, and leeks in the yard, lying dormant, but the weather is telling me it's spring when it isn't. So after walking the dog yesterday (she loves to walk, in spite of the blindness) I started working on edging the walk and driveway, something we have neglected since we moved in here ten years ago. I made a small dent, but it will take a few more days to get everything in shape, so I have my work cut out for me if this warm weather continues. Other things I thought of to work on: turning and relocating the compost piles and cutting down the growth at the back of the yard. Nothing that will disturb the soil. Checking the long term forecast, I don't see any more days in the fifties, so this may all be moot anyhow.

All this warm weather has got me feeling a bit out of balance because where did winter go? Don't get me wrong, I don't miss high heating bills and feeling like I'll never be warm again. I just feel a bit like Rip Van Winkle, like I've slept too long and fast forwarded through part of the year. Isn't that just like samsara? It's always too hot or too cold.

The puppy wants to go outside all the time, too, and since our yard isn't fenced and she is blind, I have to accompany her on every trip, thinking she has to potty when all she does is wander around, sit on the driveway and scratch herself.

My Texas sister (as opposed to Indiana sister and Arizona sister) called over the weekend, and she has bought her plane ticket for her weekend visit in February. I am so excited! Now I need to start planning some fun stuff to do, and start cleaning out the guest room, which is currently overflowing with the dog's stuff and my recycled fabric stash. Guess where she wants to visit? Trader Joes! They don't have any Trader Joes in Texas, I guess. Don't worry, we'll also be visiting the IMA, Eiteljorg, and Botanical Gardens. Mostly I will just be thrilled to have her all to myself. As charming as her children are, it will be nice to have some one on one time with her. I can't remember the last time we did that.

Heard from a friend who is having back problems and said I'd do some Medicine Buddha mantras for him. This is the second time this month I've made that promise and it got me thinking that I should be doing them regularly for the whole suffering world. TADYATA OM BHEKHANDZYE BHEKHANDZYE MAHA BHEKHANDZYE BHEKHANDZYE RAJA SAMUDGATE SVAHA

Digging Out

Yesterday I tackled the basement, again. It is a huge, monstrous mess down there, and just terrible Feng Shui to be living on top of that mess. I am a bit of a pack rat, albeit a Jekyll and Hyde one. I go through phases where I can't let go of anything without leaving claw marks on it (typical Crab) and then phases where I hate clutter with a venomous passion, tossing things out while mentally screaming, “You're ruining my life!” Right now I think I'm in the latter, but a somewhat milder version of it. I am on a bit of a cleaning spree, and I received a wonderful new sewing machine last Wednesday without so much as giving it a trial run because I've been preoccupied with cleaning and organizing.

And yet, I have very little to show for it, beyond the main house being presentable enough for company again, redeemed from the junkie-flophouse squalor it descended to over the holidays when I was ill with some kind of lingering food poisoning. The basement hardly looks changed. It is going to take a long time to dig out from under the years and years of depression and lethargy that I've somehow managed to break through. I really shouldn't expect anything less.

Housecleaning, and by extension, homekeeping, makes me crazy because of the endlessness of it. I vacuum the rug and it just needs vacuuming again, cook a meal only to have to cook again, do laundry only to need to do it again the next week. And on and on. The over and over of life makes me despair a bit. Well, a lot. I seriously think like this: “You mean I have to brush and floss twice a day, every day, for the rest of my life? Why don't I just kill myself right now?” You'd think it would make me desperate to get out of samsara, and to practice like my hair's on fire, like the saying goes. But I run into the same issues with practice. The over and over of it makes me want to flee with the desperation of a caged animal. I am incapable of seeing it for the freedom it offers, and it becomes an obligation instead. I don't see everything this way. I never think, “Oh, I need to cuddle with my puppy? But I'll just need to do it again tomorrow!” So it is clear that perception is at work here, and that my job is to change that, or rather, to plant the seeds to see it change for me. It's wisdom that I truly need.

For now, I focus on being present. On doing things one step at a time. For me this means a lot of surrender. I surrender to the present moment and release my fears of being trapped. I do the dishes in order to do the dishes, like Thich Nhat Hahn writes. Not to get them out of the way or the task over with, but to embrace that moment as life itself. As freedom itself. This is what I aspire to.

What This Blog Is Not

In typical Buddhist fashion, I inaugurate this blog by talking about an absence. If you've studied emptiness or the Heart Sutra, this makes perfect sense.

This blog is not a record of a perfect life, nor is it the story of a perfect practitioner . I am not one. It will not share any secret wisdom – I have none to impart. It won't be filled with gorgeous photos of home décor, place settings, food, crafts or art. I am a terrible photographer. I can't write about all the things I get done in a day, because to be honest, I don't do much. Just hearing about other people's busy lives makes me feel tired. No sweepstakes, fashion tips, or celebrity gossip either.

What I can share is my daily thoughts, my attempts and failures at practice. Readers can get a glimpse of an one person's attempt to walk the Buddhist path while being a homemaker. I want to document the things I create and grow, my struggle to walk lightly on the earth, the ways I try to nurture my relationships. Above all, I just want to write because I'm not sure I can be happy if I don't.

Welcome to my blog!